Running straight into the darkness

I still don't deserve to be trusted. I do bad things and in bad things I mean that I'm on drugs and I drink like a camel. It's my only escape from the real world. I like my hallucinated world more than this fucked up world with inequality everywhere. I suppose I go to school every day but I'm not so sure because I don't always remember. The only thing I know that I have a very daring friend whose side I always am. She tries to cure me from my "illness". That's what she calls it. I'm bringing her to the bad side without knowing it. She drinks more that she can bear because I persuaded her and I feel bad about it. I can't control myself sometimes. Ok most of the times I can't. Drug and alcohol is a bad combination. My parents can't tell me what to do. They are dead and I'm 18 so I have to live on my own.

Leftover #1

New page. Let’s start again from the very beginning. It was hard to me to digest it but time helps us all. It may seem cloudy first, but if you look from my point of view, you may understand it.

Why do we have to live up for our pride? It’s so easy to lose yet so hard to keep. I’m delighted with my life. Well, okay I tried to lie but I just can’t. My life is a mess to be honest. I have family affairs but I never show it to the outside and everyone thinks that I’m fine and all. Not even my best friend knows that. I love being around people because I forgot what it feels like to be sad and that’s true for dancing also. I can live in the music and express my feelings and that’s why my teacher sees something in me. I love to forget and I can’t do it enough times, so I often drown my sorrow into alcohol. My parents don’t really care about that, and my best friend, Heather, likes to join me but always insists on having more people involved. Strange isn’t it? As a matter of fact, I always get as drunk as a skunk and some pictures are missing from my memory. I always have a conscience after each drinking night but if I look back to those days, I’m really glad I did them. It seems that my life is perfect as the way it is, but no one can see behind the lies and my behaviour. Some people hate me, even if I haven’t spoken to them but think what they want, I don’t really care; I have my own problems. So, where do I wanna start exactly? Ah, where? It was a silly question.