New page. Let’s
start again from the very beginning. It was hard to me to digest it but time
helps us all. It may seem cloudy first, but if you look from my point of view,
you may understand it.
Why do we have to
live up for our pride? It’s so easy to lose yet so hard to keep. I’m delighted
with my life. Well, okay I tried to lie but I just can’t. My life is a mess to
be honest. I have family affairs but I never show it to the outside and
everyone thinks that I’m fine and all. Not even my best friend knows that. I
love being around people because I forgot what it feels like to be sad and
that’s true for dancing also. I can live in the music and express my feelings
and that’s why my teacher sees something in me. I love to forget and I can’t do
it enough times, so I often drown my sorrow into alcohol. My parents don’t
really care about that, and my best friend, Heather, likes to join me but
always insists on having more people involved. Strange isn’t it? As a matter of
fact, I always get as drunk as a skunk and some pictures are missing from my
memory. I always have a conscience after each drinking night but if I look back
to those days, I’m really glad I did them. It seems that my life is perfect as
the way it is, but no one can see behind the lies and my behaviour. Some people
hate me, even if I haven’t spoken to them but think what they want, I don’t
really care; I have my own problems. So, where do I wanna start exactly? Ah,
where? It was a silly question.
“Let’s go get some
naughty boys to play with!” Heather was in a great mood, but I wasn’t
surprised, she had 2 shots of vodka already. She didn’t really care about
everyone else, just with herself and she didn’t even notice that I was under
myself. Maybe, it was her way of cheering up, but she hadn’t said a word or
asked me what’s wrong. I sat in her room in front of her, keeping my mouth
closed. I just held my bottle of beer in my hand, trying to forget everything
that’s bad and to keep the world out. I was so pissed off; I could punch someone
in the face, just to blow off some stream.
Whatever, it was Friday night and strikingly, but there were no parties at all, nowhere in the city or near. We decided to have a house party but as always, Heather didn’t let more people to the so called party, so we just went to her and had an “amazing” night. I wasn’t blissful at all, she just kept surfing on the net or talking with someone else on the telephone, sometimes looking up or just asking if I wanted some vodka or no. I don’t know why I trusted her, but since she has got her boyfriend, she has spoken to me less, which is kinda cool because then I can think in myself but for god’s sake, I was at her side every time she needed me, then is it a big request to just talk with me? Normally I would be angry at her but with alcohol, I’m okay. Probably, I needed a bit more that night. It was my second beer, and helped me to keep my thoughts busy, and feeling the familiar feeling in myself.
“Nah, Heather you have a boyfriend and you aren’t even drunk, but do whatever you want.” I said it without noticing my voice’s tone. But from her reaction, I bet I was harsh. There would be a complete silence, if the music wasn’t on. I wanted to raise the volume just to give myself to the music and escape from the place that seemed so strange to me, even if I was there several times, but a hand stopped me. I moved my head upwards and as the way Heather looked into my eyes, I was shocked but only for a moment, then I tried to stop myself from laughing out loud; she gave me such an amusing look. Suddenly, my brain started to work again. Why do I love her so much? Maybe, she’s the only one who sinks to my level just to talk with me. It’s nice but well, there are the fine prints, which no one knows or cares about. As I remember back, I don’t seem to understand the relationship between us at all. I just can’t believe, if someone lies to me. In my view, if I never lie, then the other will be honest to me because of trust. Oh, Rae, you’re so naïve, I hate it so much.
“Oh, Rachel, Rachel, Rachel…” Jesus, how much I hate this kind of beginnings and she knows it well. “You don’t seem to know your place, first, you are at my house,” She took a step closer to me. “Second, you are my best friend,” Only she was at my eyesight; I couldn’t look anywhere but her, through my foggy brain. “And third, you are supposed to support me in every decision and every deed I make. So, think about your tone, honey.” I could feel the scent of alcohol on her as she got closer to me, whispering the last words into my ear. I winced but she didn’t notice. Well, it’s not easy for me to get angry, but when someone gives me the chills, it’s a phenomenon, which I’m not recommending for everyone. I always find a way to calm down, and it seemed that I had to search for some help.
“Oh, well, mother Mary when did you become my commander? I don’t seem to remember, please help me to recall my memories, but hey! Wait! Is that a glass of whiskey in there?” I spotted a bottle of alcohol on the right side of the bed and quickly, before Heather could move, I jumped to get it. “I suppose my friend Jack... “ I was holding the neck of the Jack Daniel’s and opened it. “... Is a way better person than you, and can listen to me, while he is tending my soul. See? You better learn from him how to be a real friend.” I felt as the amber liquid went down my throat, scratching it, and leaving a noble sensation after itself. When I realised that the bottle became half empty, I looked up to see Heather’s diatribe. Now I was more talkative, which can be really entertaining and totally shit. I showed her my full-mouth smile, which she didn’t like so much; instead she just grabbed a pillow, threw at me, but I couldn’t avoid it so it hit my face. Wish it was a brick. She let the fire to extinguish or just to fade a little bit and then she struck up.
“Okay honey, I know that you are under alcohol’s control and I know that you can’t bear much alcohol in your body, so I won’t be angry at you, but tomorrow we’ll have to talk seriously. So, drunkie Rae, will you come or you’ll be fine there, with Mr. Jack?” She turned into an angel suddenly from the demon. I can’t be angry at her, and it’s not so surprising after the half bottle of whiskey. But yet, there was the question, which my head put away into my darkest places and never wanted to notice it. Anyways, I wasn’t drunk, even if she thought that I was, but it’s a big difference if someone is drunk, or just fucking tipsy. And there I was, being fucking tipsy and speaking with my words merging into each other and shit… What did I just say? Why is she smiling at me? Oh, Rae, you’re such a dickhead. I tried to return the smile but it didn’t go so well. Why is it so hard for me to pretend everything’s alright? Mr. Jack couldn’t help me enough so I took a big gulp and tried to focus. Heather let out a sigh and gave me a hand. When she pulled me up, I almost lost my balance but I gripped the corner of her bed, just to stand on my own two feet, trying not to fall over by one step.
“Wait! I have to say farewell to Mr. Jack.” I drank all the remaining whiskey and left nothing in the glass, not even a single drop if it’s possible. It wasn’t a big glass. What a shame. “So long, farewell my greatest friend.” I hugged the glass then put it back, where I found it. “Oh, I was so rude, I didn’t asked if you wanted some or not. Hmm, you’ve been an asshole for sure, so you don’t really deserve any alcohol.” I hid my laugh back and drawn my tongue out. Yes, I was more than fucking tipsy, but still I remember somehow. Maybe, my body became self-controlled, and my brain just stopped and watched all the happenings that I’m not proud of. Heather murmured in herself, something like thanks or ass I don’t know. “By the way, what will happen to the bottles? I mean I can see a glass of vodka from here, I’m pretty sure I would be astonished with it. So if you don’t mind…” With some nasty step I could reach her shelf, where there was the sweet, sweet vodka. She didn’t even try to hold me off, or just to say it’s a bad idea or something like friends use to say to each other as a way of caring, or did she try to alcoholise me just to go with her? Great, just great. I suppose, she has lost her mind or just became totally dumb, oh sorry dumber, because she didn’t say a word after I went to their hall to gather my stuff. I was a bit unbalanced and put the vodka under my shirt to defence it.
“I bet you don’t want me to drive. Where do we go now? Now, now, now, now, now...” I tried to sing, and holy shit the lightbulb was moving. Oh no, it was me. Wait. My boots are on the floor, and I’m watching the ceiling. Definitely not good.
“Sweet child…” She tried to continue, well, whatever her voice is fucking bad. “You’ll see…” Great, a surprise. How much I hate surprises… Come on Mr. Jack I need your help. Oh gosh Mr. Vodka how much I love you. They are my boys, fuck the rest.
I put on my boots and saw what Heather was wearing. I tried not to laugh but what a whore, man. At least 10cm high heeled shoes with a damn miniskirt, which let everyone to see her, well, everything. And I have to emphasise that she hasn’t got a very… Oh fuck, yeah, she’s fat, don’t need those retouches.
“Bitch.” I smiled at her nice and tender.
“Hurry up; I have to call the boys.”
Nice.
Whatever, it was Friday night and strikingly, but there were no parties at all, nowhere in the city or near. We decided to have a house party but as always, Heather didn’t let more people to the so called party, so we just went to her and had an “amazing” night. I wasn’t blissful at all, she just kept surfing on the net or talking with someone else on the telephone, sometimes looking up or just asking if I wanted some vodka or no. I don’t know why I trusted her, but since she has got her boyfriend, she has spoken to me less, which is kinda cool because then I can think in myself but for god’s sake, I was at her side every time she needed me, then is it a big request to just talk with me? Normally I would be angry at her but with alcohol, I’m okay. Probably, I needed a bit more that night. It was my second beer, and helped me to keep my thoughts busy, and feeling the familiar feeling in myself.
“Nah, Heather you have a boyfriend and you aren’t even drunk, but do whatever you want.” I said it without noticing my voice’s tone. But from her reaction, I bet I was harsh. There would be a complete silence, if the music wasn’t on. I wanted to raise the volume just to give myself to the music and escape from the place that seemed so strange to me, even if I was there several times, but a hand stopped me. I moved my head upwards and as the way Heather looked into my eyes, I was shocked but only for a moment, then I tried to stop myself from laughing out loud; she gave me such an amusing look. Suddenly, my brain started to work again. Why do I love her so much? Maybe, she’s the only one who sinks to my level just to talk with me. It’s nice but well, there are the fine prints, which no one knows or cares about. As I remember back, I don’t seem to understand the relationship between us at all. I just can’t believe, if someone lies to me. In my view, if I never lie, then the other will be honest to me because of trust. Oh, Rae, you’re so naïve, I hate it so much.
“Oh, Rachel, Rachel, Rachel…” Jesus, how much I hate this kind of beginnings and she knows it well. “You don’t seem to know your place, first, you are at my house,” She took a step closer to me. “Second, you are my best friend,” Only she was at my eyesight; I couldn’t look anywhere but her, through my foggy brain. “And third, you are supposed to support me in every decision and every deed I make. So, think about your tone, honey.” I could feel the scent of alcohol on her as she got closer to me, whispering the last words into my ear. I winced but she didn’t notice. Well, it’s not easy for me to get angry, but when someone gives me the chills, it’s a phenomenon, which I’m not recommending for everyone. I always find a way to calm down, and it seemed that I had to search for some help.
“Oh, well, mother Mary when did you become my commander? I don’t seem to remember, please help me to recall my memories, but hey! Wait! Is that a glass of whiskey in there?” I spotted a bottle of alcohol on the right side of the bed and quickly, before Heather could move, I jumped to get it. “I suppose my friend Jack... “ I was holding the neck of the Jack Daniel’s and opened it. “... Is a way better person than you, and can listen to me, while he is tending my soul. See? You better learn from him how to be a real friend.” I felt as the amber liquid went down my throat, scratching it, and leaving a noble sensation after itself. When I realised that the bottle became half empty, I looked up to see Heather’s diatribe. Now I was more talkative, which can be really entertaining and totally shit. I showed her my full-mouth smile, which she didn’t like so much; instead she just grabbed a pillow, threw at me, but I couldn’t avoid it so it hit my face. Wish it was a brick. She let the fire to extinguish or just to fade a little bit and then she struck up.
“Okay honey, I know that you are under alcohol’s control and I know that you can’t bear much alcohol in your body, so I won’t be angry at you, but tomorrow we’ll have to talk seriously. So, drunkie Rae, will you come or you’ll be fine there, with Mr. Jack?” She turned into an angel suddenly from the demon. I can’t be angry at her, and it’s not so surprising after the half bottle of whiskey. But yet, there was the question, which my head put away into my darkest places and never wanted to notice it. Anyways, I wasn’t drunk, even if she thought that I was, but it’s a big difference if someone is drunk, or just fucking tipsy. And there I was, being fucking tipsy and speaking with my words merging into each other and shit… What did I just say? Why is she smiling at me? Oh, Rae, you’re such a dickhead. I tried to return the smile but it didn’t go so well. Why is it so hard for me to pretend everything’s alright? Mr. Jack couldn’t help me enough so I took a big gulp and tried to focus. Heather let out a sigh and gave me a hand. When she pulled me up, I almost lost my balance but I gripped the corner of her bed, just to stand on my own two feet, trying not to fall over by one step.
“Wait! I have to say farewell to Mr. Jack.” I drank all the remaining whiskey and left nothing in the glass, not even a single drop if it’s possible. It wasn’t a big glass. What a shame. “So long, farewell my greatest friend.” I hugged the glass then put it back, where I found it. “Oh, I was so rude, I didn’t asked if you wanted some or not. Hmm, you’ve been an asshole for sure, so you don’t really deserve any alcohol.” I hid my laugh back and drawn my tongue out. Yes, I was more than fucking tipsy, but still I remember somehow. Maybe, my body became self-controlled, and my brain just stopped and watched all the happenings that I’m not proud of. Heather murmured in herself, something like thanks or ass I don’t know. “By the way, what will happen to the bottles? I mean I can see a glass of vodka from here, I’m pretty sure I would be astonished with it. So if you don’t mind…” With some nasty step I could reach her shelf, where there was the sweet, sweet vodka. She didn’t even try to hold me off, or just to say it’s a bad idea or something like friends use to say to each other as a way of caring, or did she try to alcoholise me just to go with her? Great, just great. I suppose, she has lost her mind or just became totally dumb, oh sorry dumber, because she didn’t say a word after I went to their hall to gather my stuff. I was a bit unbalanced and put the vodka under my shirt to defence it.
“I bet you don’t want me to drive. Where do we go now? Now, now, now, now, now...” I tried to sing, and holy shit the lightbulb was moving. Oh no, it was me. Wait. My boots are on the floor, and I’m watching the ceiling. Definitely not good.
“Sweet child…” She tried to continue, well, whatever her voice is fucking bad. “You’ll see…” Great, a surprise. How much I hate surprises… Come on Mr. Jack I need your help. Oh gosh Mr. Vodka how much I love you. They are my boys, fuck the rest.
I put on my boots and saw what Heather was wearing. I tried not to laugh but what a whore, man. At least 10cm high heeled shoes with a damn miniskirt, which let everyone to see her, well, everything. And I have to emphasise that she hasn’t got a very… Oh fuck, yeah, she’s fat, don’t need those retouches.
“Bitch.” I smiled at her nice and tender.
“Hurry up; I have to call the boys.”
Nice.
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